How to do You!
How to Build a Deeper More Empowered Sense of Self - Using These 4 Key Techniques!
Have you struggled to feel grounded in who you are, what you think, and what perspectives you hold on things?
Do you find yourself regularly focusing on what other people have said, their “shoulds”, and judgements of the world? Do you then find that you are judging yourself by those? Do you find yourself regularly thinking that if that is what my partner or colleague says it must be true? Do you recognise that you relinquish your thoughts and perspectives as a result?
This pattern of thinking and behaviour can leave you feeling less grounded in yourself, less connected to who you are, and more focused on existing based on other people’s opinions and views. If you recognize that you are the type of person that likes to please the people around you, this might be something that you encounter regularly. Sometimes we can find that we can sacrifice our views for those of the people around us, to our detriment.
What if I told you that you could build a more empowered sense of self – one which would leave you feeling more self-confident and grounded day-to-day? And that by applying 4 key rules to your day-to-day engagement with people and situations you would be able to handle and support yourself in a more empowered and self-confident manner. That, in turn, would help you build strong levels of wellbeing, and a deeper sense of yourself, and enable you to get more in touch with what is important for you and what you value in your life. In turn, this would give you your own ground rules to hold separate and apart from other people’s perspectives and confidently live your life by.
Daily Self-affirmation
The first rule is this: affirm yourself every day, and remind yourself every day that you are unique. Remind yourself that you will naturally have your perspectives, thoughts, and ways of doing things. This is 100% OK. There is only one of you in this world. Your experiences, thoughts, and behaviours will of course be unique to you and very much relevant to who you are at the heart of it.
Your experiences are yours. No one else is the expert on your thoughts, experiences, behaviours, or feelings. No one else lives your life, so why would they get to tell you how you should live your life? You are the expert on you. Remind yourself daily to step away from the views and opinions of others and get more connected to your own. They are the most valid and affirming of you.
Acceptance of Your Thoughts and Experiences
Rule number two is to allow yourself to accept and embrace your thoughts and experiences. Accept and affirm that you are fully entitled to hold your views on how life is for you. Even if or when people around you hold a different perspective.
Other people are separate from you with their own lived experiences which are separate and different from yours. We as human beings each have our life journeys to take. Your life journey is yours alone to take, explore, consider, understand and learn from. Sure, other people around you can have a view, but you are the person living your life, so let your view be your default for you.
You Can’t Please All of the People All of the Time
Rule number three is this: accept that you are allowed to “agree to disagree.” People around you can hold a view, about their life, about your life or the state of the world in general. Agreeing with people to keep them happy can be a compromise for who you are. Just because they hold a view does not mean you are required to hold the same view.
Give yourself a moment to reflect and consider things, and ask yourself the question: how do I feel about that? What is my view on that? If your view is different from other people’s, permit yourself to hold your view. You don’t need to have a discussion about it or to convince other people to hold your view. You can simply own your views for yourself.
Tell yourself that it is acceptable to “agree to disagree”. You don’t need to get into a “right and wrong” conversation. You can agree to disagree. That in itself is an act of “self-affirmation” you can give yourself regularly.
Create a Regular Self-reflection Routine
Use this final rule to embed this mindset: choose some daily techniques to remind yourself to stay grounded in your thoughts and perspectives. You can do this by regularly asking yourself the questions - how do I feel about that? What are my thoughts on that? And what previous experiences have shaped that perspective for me? Then give yourself space and time to accept those views as your own.
Create a regular checking-in habit, start to filter out other people’s perspectives, and start to bring in your own as your go-to guide for day-to-day living. Remember you can’t please all of the people all of the time, and it is 100% acceptable to agree to disagree with other people's views and perspectives if they do not sit comfortably with you. Remind yourself that this is your life journey, you are learning as you are going, and that when you know better you will be able to do better, on your terms and at your rate. You are not shaped by other people’s thoughts and perspectives but your own. Let those thoughts and perspectives be supportive, nurturing, empowering and enabling of you.
Need some support along your journey? Why not find out more about what I can offer you and how I can support you as your Personal Development Specialist and Life Coach?
